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It's So Hot in Arizona That...

One Liners About Phoenix Summer Weather

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hot-door-handle.jpg

Restaurant door, with towel on door to prevent burning patrons. No joke!

© Judy Hedding

It's pretty easy to make jokes about the heat in Arizona in the summer. If we didn't laugh, we'd be crying! But just you wait. In the winter, our favorite activity is to call our friends and relatives in the north and northeast and ask them casually, "So, how's the weather?" Ha, ha.

I have seen these jokes in several places, and even received them via email a few times. What? You've never seen them before? Well, here they are. And yes, some of them are awfully close to the truth.

It's so hot in Arizona that...

  • the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
  • the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
  • farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
  • the cows are giving evaporated milk.
  • the trees are whistling for the dogs.
  • you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
  • you can say 113 degrees without fainting.
  • you eat hot chiles to cool your mouth off.
  • you can make instant sun tea.
  • you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
  • the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
  • you've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
  • you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
  • you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
  • The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
  • you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
  • you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
  • you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
  • hot water now comes out of both taps.
  • it's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
  • you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
  • you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
  • no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
  • your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
  • you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
  • a sad Arizonan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it -- but for my 7-year-old."
Is it hot enough in Phoenix to fry an egg on the sidewalk?

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